here we are, late summer. i know it is late summer, not by the calendar but by smell. i drove into southern new mexico and was greeted by both the smell of rain on creosote and ripe chili peppers. a smile grew across my face and my body eased just a little.

 my summer started april 1st. i quit my job and went in search of what is next, secretly hoping it would find me. to be honest, i’m tired of moving around all the time. it is starting to feel like i have an allergy to making a home, and trust me i have tried several times. who knows maybe it’s a fear, or i am just so used to instability that i get antsy when i do have a little? something inside me gets jumpy and itchy. i don’t know.

but this time, instead of going on some kind of grand adventure of biking across the country or down a coast, i decided to stick to this state that in many ways has claimed me as home. this state has so captured my heart. i have tried to describe the draw: the people for sure, maybe it is because white folks are the minority, no one seems to be in a rush to go anywhere or get things done quickly (aka the land of manana). maybe it is the way the light plays across the landscape, the way water moves in that light, where i have found water and types of water: lakes, streams, rivers, puddles, fierce quick storms, the rain that evaporates before it reaches the ground, but the hail bounces on dry land. then there is the subtle beauty that will simply blow my mind. the way just a trace of rain can make the desert explode in color and scent from the creosote. then there are the mountains and the piney-scented forests.  the cottonwoods and aspens. the desert willow and mesquite. the cold snow-melt down-stream on a hot hot day.

i have also fallen for the amazing animals that i have gotten to know here. the quail, the roadrunner (of course), hummingbirds diving overhead, coyotes’ howl as the sunsets. the abet’s squirrel, the bears, mountain lions, big horn sheep, snakes…i’ve even seen sparkle butts (fireflies) camping down by the rio. yes this is a magical place to me.

i haven’t posted much on this adventure because, well it just feels pretty personal in ways adventures haven’t in the past. i’ve spent whole days sitting by a river just sitting and watching the day go by, or in a hammock reading a book as the bluest of blue skies moved over me. i’ve let the preciousness of this world we are guests in sink deep into my being. i’ve also gone on amazing hikes, swam in incredible water, soaked in hot springs, ridden my bike to new and exciting places, i’ve drank wonderful beverages in surprising places. i’ve also run into friends unexpectedly with such frequency it has become a joke.

i have no great revelations after nearly 4 months of this adventuring; except maybe this: relationships. community. what else could be more important? finding place, land, water that i want to be in relationship with. that i want to get to know. that i want to know me. that i want to be in conversation with. it hit me in such a quiet way one afternoon as i was walking in a wild and scenic river to a waterfall. this place that holds so many stories. whose history is now and right in front of my face and all i have to do is pay attention. move slower. sit a spell. make an offering. remember that i am not separate from, but a part of this great and wonderfully complex world. (p.s. i do think this is key to facing the greatest challenges we face right now)

now it is time to start looking for home base and another job. i have a couple ideas for a place to land. i have a few ideas of what i will do to pay my bills. and i am actually excited for this next phase. also nervous. i hate looking for jobs and housing so doing both at the same time….wow. but the funny thing is this time, i don’t feel like i can make a wrong choice. there will be challenges and delights regardless and i do recognize that with this opportunity comes a shit-ton of privilege! i don’t want to make light of what a gift these months have been. i couldn’t have done it without the people who have opened their doors to me when i just wanted to rest in a building with walls and doors and showers. who made food with me. who joined me or took me on grand adventures. who shared their special places with (talk about trust!). where i could have explorative conversations after weeks of not talking to anyone except cashiers and bartenders. friends who let me process the emotional rollercoaster that has been the past few jobs i’ve had, of having work and housing so deeply connected, how untenable this whole economic system is. 

so, there it is,”how i spent my summer vacation” essay. i have so much more to share from this experience so look to the other blog, deep thoughts hard feelings, for those musings as i dust off my computer and get to writing again.

and as always, thanks for reading!