Tag: adventures

soooo

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so ya, i finished up the oregon coast trail a few weeks ago, actually i left brookings (the last town on the trail) just short of one month after i started. i stayed in brookings for 4 nights. the state park with a hiker-biker site was just a 20 minute walk from town, but i did get a hotel the day i rolled in, or should i say floated in. it was a hella-rainy day and i was done DONE done with having wet feet and cars splashing road grime on me. most people were really nice and gave me some space when i had to road walk, but sometimes, there were these people who i could actually see swerve to splash a puddle my direction. it didn’t matter if i walked with or against traffic (i walked where there was the widest shoulder). anyway, i digress.

i stayed in brookings trying to decide where to go next and what i should do. i was still getting reports about snow still falling in the sierras and the cascades. i knew it was still raining at the lower elevations so streams  would be flowing high, wide, fast and cold. i don’t have super strong skills for either, well i have stream crossing skills, but it makes me nervous, especially with how cold the rivers run here. one slip, that’s all it takes to get everything wet and invite hyperthermia to the party. some times the best skill and piece of gear one can carry is intuition. so i parked myself at the chaco brewery tap-house for a few days and did some writing out of my options and having conversations with friends about living to hike another hike.

i was trying to decide if i should go on south into california and try to find a job in some place like arcata, or take a bus up to eugene, bend maybe… and as i was exploring the beach around harris beach state park some voice in my head said, “how about ashland? its close to the syskiyou wilderness area…you know how much you love the syskiyous”. so i did a little search on how to get to ashland. first i was tempted to take the rougue river trail. its 40 miles and would dump me close to I-5. but then i saw that there was a bus! and the bus would take me down one of my favorite highways and would follow the smith river for a bit! sweet! yes please.

that last night was one of the worse nights on the trail for me. actually almost every night at this campground was not great for sleeping. the first night i ran into a guy that i had seen a couple of days before who was biking from portland back to l.a. we spent the morning chatting while he packed up. we both were confused by the noises that night. we couldn’t remember seeing any construction that would go on all freaking night, except for a couple of hours maybe around 3 am. later as i was walking around town, i figured it must have been the lumber mill on the edge of town. but that last night, it was the worst.

it started with the rain. it wasn’t just a nice light rain. it was a hard heavy rain with big drops and it rained all freaking night. then at some point i could hear a loud sniffing sound right by my head, and because of the sound of the rain, it really had to be right next to me to hear. at some point, whatever it was, i like to think of it as a dog from the nearby neighborhood, tried to get into my vestibule area and started pushing things around. i finally got it shewed away, but i think it came back a couple hours later, but left quickly. after i thought about it (like in the morning on the bus) it was probably looking for some shelter. all my food and whatnot were in the bear canister so i doubt it could smell anything, and i didn’t cook any food there that night because well rain. but geez! there were a lot of odd noises that night, so when morning finally came, i was more than happy to pack up and head into town. yes, it was still raining, but i’ve gotten pretty good at packing everything but in my tent then using the umbrella to cover the pack while i roll up the tent and head on down the road. that lightweight backpacking umbrella has sure come in handy!

so i arrived in ashland, got a room at a hostel, dried everything out and started looking for, and found, a job fairly quickly. my second day on the job, i found a place to live for a few months, till the end of august. then i will decide: “should i stay or should i go now”. i’d like to stay here a year. ashland is an odd little town surrounded by wilderness. the city park has trails that will take me to california and connect with the pct and i imagine the other trails i want to explore in northern california. i’ve started avoiding the co-op here like crazy. the first couple times it was nice. the first trip i reconnected to some great portland friends that have relocated here. later i ran into people who i had to ban from the co-op i use to work at. and to be honest, their buying guidelines are not that great and i’m not sure how they treat their staff, but they don’t usually seem very happy. then again i don’t think their customer base is inspiring. i shop across the street from where i am currently living, at shop-n-kart! its affordable, they have great vegan options (not so much at the co-op), and i see more working-class folks, fewer hippies, more crusty punks, more people of color, and i can walk there. to be honest ashland is small enough i can walk across town in an hour, bike across in 10 minutes, from end to end in 20.

i did finally make it to the farmers market. it happens on saturday (downtown) and tuesday at the armory in south ashland. the tuesday market is huge! its amazing! and most of it is organic, so i’ll be going there more for my fruits and veggies. it certainly had a community feel. and for being from 8 am to 1pm on a weekday, it was packed! lots of vendors. lots of people having lunch. it felt really good. there was also an animal rights group with a chicken cage challenge. they had a cage the approximate proportion for a human that a chicken gets. when i went to thank them for being there, they asked if i wanted to get in…nonononono. i have done that before, no need to do it again, but i do recommend that people do it. as i walked away the women at working the booth said nice hoody, it was then that i noticed i was wearing my ALF hoody that my pals sent me when they sent me my tablet. ha! maybe that is why i was getting some looks.

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anyway, so here i am in ashland, oregon. my plan is not really no plan, but i am kicking around some ideas. i think it would be super rad to be able to spend at least a year here working and saving money, but also getting some writing projects started. i hope to take the time and space to really deepen my practice and maybe come up with some tangible projects that can pay my way around this country. i also want to re-evaluate my goals/desires/purpose for the adventures, so i may reframe it more. so i have some ideas that i want to flush out or try out while i am here. i’m just really realizing how much energy the co-op in portland took, how much of my time and energy i gave to it even when i wasn’t there. i know i need to give that some time to sink in and to let go of some of those feelings and process what it means for me personally. i will forever be grateful for the experiences i had there, the connections and friendships i made, and how much i learned about myself and community. and yet, i am so glad i am no longer there.

alright so, here is what i have planned for the next few posts: write-up a review/wrap-up the oregon coast trail, i am still going to do a gear list and review, and i want to write about some of my ideas on the current political climate on climate change, as well as maybe start a regular month post on changes we can make in our daily lives that require no governmental accord! and this week i hope to get out on some longer hikes in the area so i will post some pics and such soon.

so that’s the rambley long update!

drying out again

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I’m here in lovely coos bay. it’s been raining and raining, again. one joke I’ve heard many times is “it’s only rained twice, both lasting 48 days”  tonight I found my self in search of some green food, I walked by a brewery and heard some good music (they described them selves as surf country and I still don’t really know what that is), so  I stopped to drip dry a little. 
I ended up talking to two different fascinating groups of people. the first I had an unexpected conversation about being vegan and hunting. I had just missed a woman who is part of a vegan group in town and has almost convinced one of my companions for the night, to go vegan. 

the other companion at this group and I had a wonderful chat about how we are truly related to every thing as just another species, another animal on this planet. I was warmed and filled and ready to leave, but first a trip to the bathroom. 

upon my return was a fresh beer and an invitation to table where some friends of my companions were sitting. here I found out that the lead singer and guitarist is also the middle school principal. the stand-up bass player is the owner of the brewery. it seems the brewer has kind of been some what responsible for the uptick of musicians in the area. there was a kind of membership that gave one a free beer a month and funded bringing in music to the pub. people have seemed very excited by this. 

the guy sitting across from me had been up dancing and decided to pull off his sweatshirt to reveal those really thick suspenders  with the name of a saw company on them. he was an older man who has mostly worked at the timber/lumber industry. we started talking about this mandolin that someone he knows built out of different woods. he described the curves and the artistry and challenges of working with different woods by the way they twist and unwind in drying processes. he said the instrament sounds wonderful. 

he then talked about a man up around grants pass who designs and builds complete sets of violin, cello, bass, and maybe viola. to buy these sets, for a large chunk of change, you have to be approved by the builder first. it was a wonderfully delightful conversation about wood and music and art and craft. all with a fine band in the background. 

I walked back to where I was to find rest this night with a large moon showing it’self through the clouds. the rains stopped until I was about halfway “home”. I love these kinds of moments. there were so many other conversations about travel and adventure, about what it means to live and places we have loved. we laughed and tears welled up in my chest in finding such connections all day today. a day where I found myself sck of the oregon coast. 

I yurn for something else. the walking is wonderful, when I find myself on a trail. the road walking is rough especially in the rain. I needed this night for some renewed energy.

I will keep walking down the coast until I find another direction. the thing that is hard to remember sometimes is that every thing, even and especially the challenging times, are impermanent. that the best times do out weight the cold wet days. i just need to wait it out.
one thing that is a challenge on this particular trail is the cost. so if you have enjoyed these post, please consider donating to my go fund me campaign. it’ll give me a little more time out here before I stop and get some work somewhere.

and thanks for reading! it is nice to know there are people on the other side of this!

caught in the newport vortex

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Shoreline and tide pools

sometimes a place just pulls me in and a linger. sometimes I stay a couple hours, some times days….or years. I’ve met some super nice folks, and I finally got an chance to stay at the lost bouy hostel!
another reason for the linger is I’m trying to process some of the experiences I’ve had the past few days. depoe bay and the shoreline leading up to newport has me thinking even more about the ocean activist sylvia earle and rachel carson. cardon’s first 3 books were about the ocean. not a huge suprise when you find our she was a marine biologist. the sea trilogy was published in the 1950s. 

I’ve only read the first one, the sea around us, and was moved by the poetic way she wrote about the sea, the formations of islands, life that emerges from the ocean. 

in depoe bay, I went to the whale watching center and the folks there talked about why more whales come up and in to this bay. it seems that the shelf there is a superb deep drop off due to the volcanic history of the area, this vulcanic geology changed the whole shoreline down to newport. this geological shift gave the opportunity for life in tide pools along the sandy and pebbled beach. 

so I’ve been walking and thinking about the lessons of sylvia earle and rachel carson as well as the lessons of evolution and earth science. how life on land formed from the muck of the ocean. how, no matter where one lived on this planet, the oxygen you depend on is because of microbes (like plankton) in the sea. how our weather patterns, rain/snow/sleet is mostly due to the water from the ocean. and I ponder all this with the feelings I’m having along this journey so far; how it’s a kind of rebirth. 

I’ve been saying that I decided to start with the coast trail because it’s the only one without snow, but I’m suspecting there is another reason, something I don’t exactly understand yet. 

starting the sharing 

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seems funny that i have only been doing this for around 10 days now, but so much has happened, and also not much because well rain and wind and rain and rain. the oregon coast is rainy, i know, no shit it’s rainy! i was prepared, and yet somehow not. i’ve had so many great experiences already, and i’ve been cheating.

when we left of, i was at seaside taking a break. since then i have made my way down the coast and am lodged up in lincoln city; swapping out gear and drying out all the things. also, i promised my tent a break from those winds.

so the weather has been super craptastic, but i am not going to complain about the life force of water, however, it shifts logistics a little. so between that and realizing that the coast trail is freaking expensive, lots of road walking (hard on the body), and some of the northern parks are closed due to landslides, i’ve decided to take the amazing coastal shuttle/bus system. yes, i will happily pay you $4.50 for what would have coast me 40 to 50 bucks in boat shuttles that may or not have been happening due to the weather. plus, saving that money helped me get a salad and a pint while waiting for a connector bus.

i have to say, taking these buses has left a soft spot in my heart for the coastal communities i have been passing through. many people use this public transportation for many reasons. they know the bus driver’s name and the driver knows the passengers names. they don’t treat the people with special needs any differently. they are kind. they seem to watch out for each other. maybe this is a piece of what i am searching for.

i’ve already met so many nice people. i was at bill’s tavern in cannon beach after getting blown off the beach. me and my pack were soaked and we really hadn’t gone more than a mile. this woman sitting in the booth next to me asked to join me. we had a nice conversation that finally came around to my feelings about the book/movie wild. i know i’ve already written my feeling about it, i probably will some more. anyway, she had this look on her face that seemed pained as she asked the question. so i took a minute and responded in a way that surprised me.

i told her that we can’t really blam this book/movie on the increased traffic on delicate land. that maybe people are searching for something anything that helps them feel connected to something, and this has been a tool to help with that. i can’t really blame that book/movie on the increased use of the pct (a kind of gentrification of the trail systems) anymore than i can blame the influx of people to portland on the show portlandia (yes, i said that). people are searching for places that they can experience life differently, more fully perhaps? these forms of popular culture give insight into some options that maybe people haven’t thought of until this introduction.

she seemed relieved at my response. maybe she too is searching for something. i don’t know. she was very present and thoughtful. she reminded me of my dad’s wife. anyway, she came back later with a generous gift that helped me pay for an over-priced camp site that night.

a couple days later i met 2 super nice guys outside the coffee shop in manzinita. i figured with the money i saved from not paying for a boat shuttle, i could splurge on a cup of coffee and fresh o.j. we were sitting outside talking about the super sweet dogs and life. they are from portland, just quite their corporate jobs and are trying to decide what’s next. when i was explaining what i was doing, i started tot tear up for some reason (and actually am again as i write this) and i’m not sure why. sometimes you meet people who you can tell the story you’ve already been telling, but you get to be more vulnerable, maybe? i don’t know. i think i’m starting to let go of some of my own bullshit. i hope one day i find out what they decide is next for them.

then i finally got some forest hike in after i hide in the hiker/biker camp of cape lookout. geez how i love that park. it was super great! and super muddy! thank goodness for carson footwear. the mud may have sucked off my shoes, but those shoes kept me from sliding off the trail! when the tide kept me from crossing the lake, i had a long and sideways rain come down on me. my walking day ended up being around  9 hours and 15 miles. i did have a nice layover at the sand lake gas and shop! as i put my things on the counter, i saw the rebel flag sticker and some other very similar sticker on the counter and took a breath. but when she found out i was walking and not biking, she started telling me about the last person that came through there a few years back who was walking with a pot belly pig! we laughed. i sad on the porch ate some snacks and watched the rain.

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cape lookout!

 

when i finally rolled into pacific city to a super over-price hiker biker campsite, i was a little not grumpy, exhausted. road walking is exhausting and hard on the body! so i set up my tent and walked across the street for a cold beer and a basket of fries! and i met my first fellow vegans!!!! they were a super amazing couple with their own amazing story. we had such a nice chat. i look forward to meeting them again some where some time… and maybe get to see the tiny house they built!

so, to get back to where this post started with the idea that we are all looking for some kind of connection; community maybe or a tie to the nature… some combination of family, what’s another word for tribe, that binds us together in the ways that we have empathy and compassion and some other feeling that maybe has no word for all those around us: the 4 legged, the winged, the creepers and crawlers, the swimmers, the trees, the plants, water and air, and even us 2 legged animals. i think we can do this. we can do this, but it is going to take some not-working, some un-working?

anyway, i can’t wait to see who i talk to next. its hard to meet people on this trail…not a lot of people on it. i meet folks when i stop into towns and chat on the buses.

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cape lookout hiker/biker camp. my little home is in there somewhere!

some questions answered

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i know its early for a first break, but believe it or not, i need a break. i have been going non-stop since i quite my jobby job. there was just so much to do and people to see and stuff to work out, that i didn’t get a chance to just process all that was happening. i kinda figured i’d do it on the drive to kansas and back, but nope. i was just focused on driving and making plans with the people i was meeting up with there. then i thought i could chill out on the way back. you know, take the more southern route through colorado and stop at some hot springs, have some beer, write… but i was just so tired and exhausted, mostly emotionally exhausted to be honest. when you leave your dream job, it can be troubling. the last 6 months of working there was really hard on me.

i don’t know how to explain it, but it just stopped feeling like the collective was working together. many people thought they knew what the co-op needed, but couldn’t hear what anyone else was saying. there were lots of power dynamics happening and i got caught in the middle. then there was the disagreements on calling the cops or not when people felt or were perceived to be violent in one way or another, especially the people experiencing homelessness or some form of mental illness. i guess on most levels i (as a white human in this country and especially in portland) i feel pretty safe emotionally, physically, and mentally. in most of these instances my concern was for the safety of those acting out, and on those around who don’t typically feel safe. calling the cops makes very few people actually feel safer….anyway, my dream job was no longer my dream job, which made me create and follow through with a new dream. so that is what i am out here doing.

so here i am in seaside taking a break after only 2 days out and 20 miles in. i am going to catch you up a bit. so here are the answers to the question i get most often. after this, probably later today, i will tell about the last couple days.

 as i begin to share my adventure plan with people i am invariably asked how did i come up with this idea. or how long have i been thinking about doing this, or some variant of this. and when i am out walking around thinking, i am reminded of so many times i’ve wondered about doing this, and some of the inspiring (in one way or another) people who’s stories i have heard about. the main ones that come to mind are: utah phillips, woodie guthrie, (and all the riders of the rails that they talk about), everett ruess, and to a lesser extent john muir and thurou (to be honest and somewhat sacrilege, i don’t really like muir. yes, he started the protecting the “wilderness” areas and all that. however, they were super racists and displaced the people of that land that already cared for and had a relationship with the land. so  i find him and all the worship he gets annoying). people ask me about the peace pilgrim and other folks who walked across the country with a pointed purpose. i have certainly been affected by them and their convictions, but not really. then i am asked about the book and movie wild. sigh, i was not inspired by either, but i get why people are. there are so many thru-hikers who’s blogs and books i have read, and thankfully there are more and more female identified folks writing and getting published, and they have been super helpful and lent to the dream. however, they all, at some point, ask why can’t this be life? i ask just because the trail ends, does that mean i have to stop walking? i say no, well until the money runs out and i have to stop for a minute and make some more. so yes, thru-hikers have been inspiring, but this is not a thru-hike.

so, i’d say ruess has been my biggest influence. i stumbled upon ruess after one of my very first backpacking trips. we did a few days up in zion national park. once we put on a clean (for me dry since i jumped in the river as soon as we crossed the bridge), consumed the biggest salad and coldest beer i could imagine, we then stepped into a cute little bookstore. here is where i found a book called “everett ruess: a vagabond for beauty” by w.l. rusho. mostly it’s a collection of ruess’ letters, journal entries, poems, and woodblocks. i fell in love with his story. and for sure i fell in love with the romantic notion of a young person stepping out of the city in search of….well beauty. that introduction had to be 12 years ago.

i’ve read and reread this book and lent it out so much its falling apart, held together with a rubber band. it wasn’t until i moved to portland that i ran into anyone else that had heard of everett. seems most people have heard of him from the book into the wild. kroukhou spends a good deal of time talking about him as he pieces together the story of chris. i still haven’t been able to bring myself to read that book. i saw the movie and was somewhat annoyed. i do really like the soundtrack. but for some reason, the thought of reading this book just repulses me. this happens sometimes. it happened to me with “wild”. i forced myself to read it like a child who doesn’t want to eat their dinner….just like that child that submitted, i wish i hadn’t. so i may never read it, but i am curious about it, so who knows….

anyway, the questions all the above people bring up for me are fairly basic. 1) is a modern-day everett, guthrie, utah, vagabond rail rider even possible and if so what does that look like? 2) where are the women, people of color, queer folks? where are their stories? or do they end (and therefor never told) by a lynching, prison, violent death, institutionalization? also is there a level of survival that keep non-white men from having their stories told from an adventure format? also also…this had been the life of the traditional people of this land befor the arrival of the european conqueror. what is the privilege that “allowed” the exploitative life of people like thurou or ruess and especially muir? what is the difference between the utah, guthrie folks compared to the everett and muire and chris?

poverty for sure. mental health for woodie guthrie (any doubts? read his autobiography). those two groups of white men have access to different privlages of american culture. some, like utah philliups, are trying to fight against this oppressive regime of a colonizing culture. many of those riding the rails where looking for seasonal work, migratory work. leaving lives that they couldn’t fulfill, all kinds of stories of people who capitalism leaves out. people who don’t want to or can’t for various reasons, live in this world.

for some reason, i feel like i fall into both and neither camp at the same time. i want to adventure out into the wilderness in search of beauty. the beauty of nature of the people who know the land. to find the beauty of people i have very little in common with besides a love for the outdoors. but i also feel like i don’t fall in line with the status quo. i believe that the bigger, better, faster life-style that is getting even faster and faster as we are lulled into a false sence of security. i’m tired of people telling me what it means to be however i am identifying today, and i only feel that it is getting worse. that the more we refine how we identify, the more specific we get in our specialty, the less we are able to see the bigger connections. the less we are able to develop empathy for people we do not know. the less we are able to put together the connections that make us all homosapians, animals if you will.

i just want to explore/experience/get to know the people and the places that i move through. this is getting harder and harder to do in cities. they are all getting so homogenous. it doesn’t feel as genuine anymore. the gentrification of the cities is beginning to feel the way it did when non-queer folks showed up at the gay & lesbian bars. coming by because it was cool, the music was good for dancing, the people beautiful, but they wanted to feel safe and wanted to be like their neighborhood bars, so they took it over and offended most everyone. then, since that queer space is now safer for white folks to move in and be trendy, hip and happening, those queers, other creatives and the rest of the folks living there at near or below poverty level, get pushed out. that is how portland feels to me now…and what is happening to the “up and coming” cities around the country. so i could move to another city again, but name a place this isn’t happening.

and i fear that this is what is happening to the trendy trails like the pct, at, cdt. i fear that as more and more people descend upon the major trails, they will become like the interstate highway systems where people cross the country faster and faster and we forget to stop and get to know the people, plants, and animals of the land. and what is the up and down stream effects of all this activity on some trails? also, it has become a major commodity and purchasing of latest and greatest gear. the gear industry is exploding, but who makes it and for whom are they making it? this is a rabbit hole of sorts that i will go down later.

i think that this is one of the appeals of everett ruess for me. he floundered. he knew he didn’t know lots of things and didn’t pretend to. he talked to people as he encountered them, but doesn’t seem to seek them out. he, indeed was very privileged even during the times of the depression of the early 1900s. we seems to have been known to walk into any place and make himself at home. he didn’t seem to know how to be a stranger which is indeed a privilege of the young and the cis white hetero male. he seems to have made friends with some of the indigenous folks of the canyon lands. and then he just disappears. some think that the mystery of his disappearance has been solved. national geographic has a huge article on it, but in the end it is still in question. i like the idea that he and his donkeys just rode off out of range. maybe went on into mexico. perhaps just blended in with one of the indigenous villages in the area.

so how has this inspired or fed my ideas of this adventure?

i want to travel around this country. i do not want to travel on the roads.if i did i would do a bike tour, and i don’t want to bike over the mountain ranges and i don’t want to walk on hot stinky roads. i want to meet the people in the small towns along the ranges. i want to meet more people who are living and working in the forest, wild spaces left in this country (and not in this country). i want to hear their stories. i want to walk the land with them. in a time when we think we are so super divided, and we certainly are for fear can indeed to that, i think if we take the time and move slowly enough to get to know one another in ways that feed empathy for how we each got to where we are, we will find that there is not so much reason to fight. we might learn that most of our most basic fears are the same…we shall see.

i’ll resupply as i pass through towns.

no i am not afraid of bears, cougars, or other wild life…snakes are a phobia for me. white men do make me leery. as i camp on the coast, i have realized i am afraid of sneaker waves, midnight high tides with a sneaker wave (am i sure i pitched my tent far enough back?), and cars on the beach running my tent, and subsequently me, over. i guess the thing i am most afraid of is being stuck in an institution of some kind (prison, hospital…). i’m a little afraid i may never come back for one reason or another, but mostly wonder what and why i would return. and no, i don’t know that i will return to portland to live.

i don’t have many plans outside of what will happen after the oregon coast trail. i will check the snow levels around that time and decide then. i have a few ideas in mind.

no i’m not actually walking across the country, but kind of around it and up-and-down in a kind of migratory route.

not taking a gps unit. getting lost is kind of the point, but also, i’d already need to have back up paper maps, so why don’t i just use those anyway. when it comes to having all the cool gadgets and such, i ask myself what would people do before these existed? well, they developed skills and such. that is what i plan on doing.

yes, i will have my cell phone (and can download maps and trails onto it), but it will have the most basic of plans and such to stay in touch. i also have this here tablet to write….

i hope to connect with local (to where i am at the time) trail groups and organization and hopefully do some trail maintence or work with them in some kind of capacity. 
yes, i will stay vegan, however, i have gotten some wool blend base layers for so many reasons that include not wanting hypothermia, weight, comfort on hot and cold days, synthetic gets stinky and is being made of oil really any better? cotton is nice, but its heavy and doesn’t dry quickly, however, i do have a cotton shirt to sleep in because it was designed by someone i know and its super soft.

gear-list….i will make one soon, i promise. while i am here at seaside i will do yet another shackdown…i want to lose 5 to 10 pounds still from my pack…speaking of, i am going to make some lunch….. 

countdown….ooooh….i start tomorrow

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so i have ment to write so many posts leading the way from the last day of working, road trip to kansas and back, gear plans, and shakedowns. however, i did not do that. instead i spent a great deal of time getting rid of most of the things i own and hanging out with the people i won’t be seeing for a bit of time.

speaking of people i won’t see for some time…. i could NOT be doing this with out the support of so many people. i know i have said this before, but really, not one “are you fucking crazy?!” from anyone…at least not said to me.  so for real: all of you in the brunch and ping-pong club (and the ones who go but don’t like ping-pong), the co-workers who helped me get my schedule to where i could still work some and plan lots. hell, even the couple of co-workers who made my life hell and inspired me to start even earlier than i had planned. my good pals who have become like brothers to me, now sitting on either side of me here in astoria for one last night. the folks at the mercado who let us have one last gathering with all our friends from all over portland. the buddy who gave me two new tattoos to help me remember where home is no matter where i go. my friends who start so many conversations with “so i had this idea” that inspired me to come up with some of my own. the friends who showed me how to buck so many of the social graces that gives space for all of us to be true, honest, and present with each other and ourselves.  other friends who made the stickers for me (they came out sooo good so watch for them or check out my go fund me if you want one!). and then there is my family! no way could i ask for more love and support from my mom, sister, niece, nephews, brother-in-law, dad, aunts, and though they are not on this plane any longer i know i would have the grandparents right there.

as someone who has moved around a great deal, i have some theories about what it means to be in a place that gives you the self-awareness needed to take the great leaps in our lives. everywhere i have ever lived has provided this on some level, even kansas that was more of a kick in the seat of the pants to get the heck outta there. and thought portland is changing the way it looks and feels, it is full of people who celebrate the people who go beyond walking to the beat of a different drummer, but to those who hear and make totally different music and move to that music in their own ways.

as i sit here on the eve of the day i will start walking, i know i go with all of those folks with me, not behind me, not leading the way, but all around me. thank you just doesn’t seem to be enough, so just know i promise, no matter what happens, to bring back some stories.

i have also had the great fortune of finding some amazing gear made by real people that i talked to… including my shoes (yes, i have shoes that are amazing and i know exactly who sewed them) and i will be doing a separate post! but for now, today and tonight, i will be doing at least 2 more shakedowns, drinking some ft. george beers, and hanging out at sou’wester. tomorrow i will get dropped off at ft. stevens state park to start walking along the oct.

whoa! time moves so fast

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i’ve been meaning to put up so many updates about the planning and prep going on here, but then stuff happens and changes so quickly, and well, geez….

first, just let me say, all the support i have been getting from friends and family has been astounding! so much! not one person has had a single negative or discouraging thing to say about this little walk. i can not say enough how much this means to me! there are so many things to get overwhelmed with in this planning process, and to know that i don’t have to defend this decision is fantastic. also, this might be where living a queer life has its advantages. i’ve already come out so many times in ways that i don’t fit the prescribed rolls or social norms, so maybe the people in my life are getting use to these things from me. also, i’ve surrounded myself with some of the best people around. i couldn’t ask for better folks.

i will eventually get into some of the most common questions in a future post (probably later this week), but here is the latest timeline for those keeping track at home (yes, its moved up…again, and yes, i know how high the snow levels are…188% snow levels in the sierra’s!).

my last day of work is now march 14th! whoa! i have like 5 shifts left and no more pay checks or closing shifts! however, i did start a go fund me (the big walk)

our last day in our little house is march 31st! no address! and everything (and i do mean everything) must go!

leave for family visit april 1st! party and colorado play time!

back to portland april 14! meet for beer and burritos after dropping off the rental car.

astoria april 14 and 15! hell ya! fort gorge brewery, blue scorcher bakery, little coastal hikes to big giant spruce trees with friends!

april 15 start walking! holy shit!

so there you have it! up dated time line. i will be posting why i’m starting with the oregon cost trail, why i’m leaving earlier, and what the big questions are from why to whatcha’ takin’ with ya’?

wow! i better get to it!

 

 

finding peace in the desert

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it was so hard to figure out where i wanted to go on my vacation. so many options. i wanted to see some people and also experience so many different wilderness spots that to fit as much in without feeling rushed or unable to be present with the people and places i would be able to see…well it was a tough decision.

luckily one of the people i was hoping to catch up with had limited availability before they left for their own amazing adventure, so a direction was chosen. i headed off to bend to meet them for some beers and dinner.

i should back up just a bit. because i work in customer service, i usually try to make my vacations after labor day. but some of the places i wanted to go are in the direct route of folks returning from burning man (many hot springs are often closed due to e-coli outbreaks after burners stop by on their way back from their weekend at burning man), i made some strategic moves and decided to go to some places that i was sure they would not hit (i also received wonderful advice from a friend who spends a great amount of time in the desert hot springs and i have enormous amounts of gratitude for their sharing of info). so i skipped summer lake, bagby, paulina, and cougar hot springs, and decided on a couple a little more remote…so worth it! not a single burner at any of the places i went once i got past bend.

the journey over mt. hood and into the desert was beautiful. the portland morning was cool and cloudy, so the blue skies and warm sun on the other side of the pass was a wonderful welcome. i pulled over at a little spot by the deschutes river before i entered bend. it was refreshing to splash in this beautiful river for a minute before going back into a city.

i arrived at our meeting place a little early and was able to have a moment to relax into being away from portland, work, and some other stressors. we had a nice visit, drove into sisters,  picked up some more conversation inspirational snacks and stayed up late talking.

the morning arrived and i headed out after a stop for an amazing brunch back in bend, grabbed some growlers of exceptional beers from boneyard brewery and headed off to heart mountain. the drive was very cathartic. i was able to listen to some of my favorite tunes and sing (loudly) along. yet, the closer i got to heart mountain and the deeper i got into the desert, the more the sunshine penetrated my being, the more i felt the quiet and the peacefulness come over me….i turned off the music and podcasts and embraced the silence, well i actually embraced the way the air moved through the open windows of the car.

i set up camp, poured a cold beer and went for a walk. there were a number of people at the camp grounds, but no one seemed to really be heading to the hot springs. i was a little confused. as the evening turned to dusk, i walked over to the main hot springs, spotting a few antelope watching me as they grazed, and found out what everyone else was doing there.

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i met a guy from australia who was riding his motorcycle from canada to l.a. he was camping down where more people were (i chose the loner site kind of up on a hill where i could see what was happening around me…alone). he said that they were mostly hunters and that antelope season was starting in a couple of days (the day i was scheduled to leave). i am still baffled that here, an antelope refuge, there would be hunting….to control the population. i’m sorry, but i don’t understand why an agency would protect some wildlife so that they could be killed. anyway, soon i was alone in the spring and enjoyed a wonderful soak.

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the next day i went and had another soak to warm up a bit. the night had gotten fairly cold, especially since i didn’t put the fly on my tent so that i could watch the moon pass and the stars twinkle – one of the many reasons i enjoy my times in deserts. it got cold enough that the water in my water bottle froze, but i slept great in my warm sleeping bag.

after a soak and some breakfast, i headed out for a hike. i decided to follow the path that leads to the camp sites over the bridge. lots of campers and r.vs. and lots of american flags….right i’m in central oregon! anyway, i had a peaceful walk up to the top of a ridgeline where i had an amazing view of the landscape and saw some wonderful wildlife.

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there were views that could just as easily have been in the flint hills of kansas and it got me to thinking about how lush that land in kansas can be and how it has become more and more arid, looking more like this desert and less like farmland or tall grass prairie.

i ran into some of the hunters while i was out here walking. i had forgotten that the t-shirt i was wearing was from food fight with a bunch of lab animals attacking a guy that looks a great deal like a hunter.ha!  these men couldn’t believe i was out walking let alone walking alone. most of them were on 4-wheelers scoping out places to hunt the next day. one guy said it was good to see someone walking “you don’t see that much any more”.  if he only knew my plan! when i stopped to have a snack, i watched some eagles soaring overhead, some deer came down to graze, and antelope roaming around. when i looked down, i spotted an eagle feather by my shoe. i just stared at it for the longest time, not sure what would happen if i touched such a sacred item. turns out, i won’t spontaneously implode, but it was a spectacular feeling as i held it for just a second before putting it back right where i found it.

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my days here went like this: soaking, eating, walking, soaking…. until i could finally feel the city fall away from me as the desert dust entered every pore on my body and the water filled my cells. when i was finally able to pull myself away to begin the next segment of my trip, i could feel the silence vibrate threw me and i began to feel at peace….maybe that is why i was moved to tears so much on my way to meet my friends in enterprise, and again through out our hike. i was at peace for the first time in a very long time. this is why i love it out “here”.

i am going to go for a walk

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i’ve always wondered how it felt, those  people who have always known  what they wanted to do when they grew up.  i have never known that feeling. the closest i have ever gotten to that was when i would go out to where i could see the huge horizon of kansas and just want to start walking. that is almost all i ever want to do actually is walk. i love riding my bike. i’ve enjoyed skateboarding, scooters, motorcycles, cars and trucks. i also really enjoy sitting, laying down, running (sometimes)… but the one thing you can almost always get me to do anytime, anywhere, is go for a walk. a short walk. a long walk. walk to a cup of coffee. walk to dinner. an after dinner walk. doesn’t matter. i just love to walk. and then sometime in june, it hit me, when i grow up i am supposed to walk.

but when should i start? it’s not like i have a date to register for the fall term or something. and i will need to prepare, and rid myself of a few possessions. so sometime after i turn 50 (jan of 2018), when i feel that the weather will be mostly in my favor, i will put on my pack and start walking around the country. not across on the roads most people take, but around and through on the trail systems. sure i’ll have to use real roads sometimes for resupply and see friends and share beers…[this timeline has been moved up to may/june of 2017 see why wait for more information]

i think my plan will most likely take me 5 years or more, but i am going to start with a two-year plan. i don’t want to be in a rush. i want to stop and really get to know an area when i feel like it. i don’t want to  have to make a certain set mileage to achieve every day… of course weather and winter will come into play and i’m still trying to figure that one out. maybe i’ll try to be in the south by the time the cold hits, or maybe hole up in a ski town and work for the season before heading back out. we’ll see how things go and which directions i feel like going in.

i do have some basic ideas on routes i want to take and how i want to do them. i have a giant map on our wall with outlines of where some major thru hikes run and seeing where some of the big ones connect. i will probably start marking where the co-ops are in relation to the trails and work on how to get food when i’m out and about.

one big thought i’ve had is that i want to work with smaller cottage companies that make gear in the regions i’ll be exploring that season. i figure i’ll be going through things since i’ll be living in a tent, sleeping bag and out of a back pack. so maybe i can work with some companies doing good work and interesting designs…and shoes.

i also need to get back in shape, learn some new skills, talk to people about good medicine to have on hand, how i want to share these adventures, what kind of technology will i need, how will i get maps (are there map exchanges), and food.

so i have a year and a half to prepare, a little more actually, but anytime after jan 2018 it could begin. so i will be keeping people updated on my progress, things i learn, epic failures as i learn is inevitable, and i will spend this time getting rid of pretty much everything in my life.

i am kicking around the idea of some kind of social funding project. some folks have already asked how they can help facilitate this venture, but i would like to also be creative in this area. i would very much like people to join me for a bit somewhere… buy me a beer and walk with me for a couple of days… send me your favorite vegan trail food when i am in the next town, or just contribute some bucks to keep me going. i figure i will have to stop and work from time to time, but hopefully not that first year or two. also, maybe i can make a few buck with the telling of some stories… we’ll see. i’ve got some time to figure it out, and then so much will be changed and shifted i’m sure as i go along.

there are many thoughts that have come up for me since i starting thinking about this and talking to people about it, and i hope to be writing about them more. like why i love being outside, and how much i love to explore places and get to know the people who know those places. and as i was thinking and talking and reading, i came across a chapter in the book Children of the Days by Eduardo Galeano (one of my super favorite poetic historians). the story is called The Pleasure of Going. it is set in 1887 in Salta and tells of “Juan Carlos Dàvalos, founder of a dynasty of musicians and poets.” the story goes like this:

…he was the first to drive a Model T, the “Ford with a moustache,” in those parts of northern Argentina.

His Model T snorted and smoked as its wheels rolled forward.

It moseyed down the road. Turtles stopped to wait for it.

A neighbor came up to him, greeted him with a worried face, commented, “But Mr. Dàvalos…at this pace, you’ll never get there.”

The driver responded, “I don’t travel to get. I travel to go”

and so shall i.

return of the spot, my spot

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when i first moved to portland, i was in the middle of a spiritual exercise with someone who has been a key teacher of mine, but when it came to the final ceremony where everyone was going to gather, i couldn’t make it. i was tapped out financially and had just started my job at the co-op. instead i got the information of when the crew of folks were going to be doing things and i made my first journey out to what was to become my special river.

i drove up and down the river, learning the curves and bends. i drove back and forth until i finally honed in on a place that felt just right. eventually i landed at a trail head, grabbed my trusty backpack and headed down the trail to find “the place”. it was maybe a 20 minute hike to a flat area close to the river with just enough space to set up a tent. i set up camp and began the work i came out to do.

part of what i wanted to do was jump in the river and cleanse myself of the work we had been doing for the year (i should mention this was october). i knew it was going to be a cold river and the evening was going to be cool, maybe (probably) rainy. so i stripped down and jumped in and froze my ever-loven-self off… anyway, the day and night happened. it was everything i wanted in the journey, and i began my love affair with this river and this land and old growth dug fir trees.

that was back in 2008… and i have been searching for this trail again and have not been able to find it regardless of how many times i travel the road, or search my journals or talk to folks. then… i had a week of finding out that really horrible things had happened to people i know. i held it together pretty well until a customer at the co-op added to the list of things…. so we took off late that night for the hot springs.

it was a wonderfully cool late night when we got there, took a little nap, and walked in just after sunrise. we found a quiet little place for just us, set out the snacks, and had a blast… relaxed, rested, and said good-bye to those we lost in the past week.

it’s been hot here in portland, so we decided that we would stop at a swimming hole on the way back to town after finding a nice place to cook up a mighty fine breakfast (at noon). we had some places in mind but stayed open to finding a quiet place with out many (or any) people. i was driving for some reason and passed this trail head sign that i don’t remember having seen before, so i turned around to check it out, and there it was! the trail i’ve been searching for! the parking lot was all grown over, the trail head sign was empty, and the whole place looked abandoned! so we stopped and loaded up for a swimming adventure. i still wasn’t sure if it was the same place i’d been searching for, or if it was just wishful thinking. the more we walked the more it felt right, but october and june look totally different here in the woods.

we came to this place that had a wonderful look out up and down the river, and there was this unmistakable distinct feature in the middle of the river, that’s when i knew we were in the right place. we didn’t go as far as i did before, but now i know where it is, and we found a wonderful place to swim! there was a sandy little beach area (hard to find sometimes around here), some shallow areas to just wad in if needed, and then some wonderfully deep places to jump off the surrounding boulders and cliff faces along the banks! we had an amazing time frolicking around and being generally playful and relaxed and i got sunburned in places i didn’t know could burn… so you know, it was a fun summer day in a climate changing spring. why is it that the simplest snacks taste so much better in a hot sun after a cold mountain river swim and beach sex, and laughter and a few tears? a sip of jammison never really hurts either….

i fell in love with this place all over again. its become my go-to place where i’ve headed to all summer. i’ve watched it change as the summer and now fall, have continued to be hot and dry. but this river! this spot! its good to have a spot! a place to go: a river, a rock on a mountain, a piece of limestone in the tall grass prairies, a piece of driftwood to watch the ocean breath in and out, a desert look out, a park bench close to the place you live, your porch steps….whatever helps you inhale when it feels nearly impossible to do so.