Tag: Oregon Coast trail

eugene one more time

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

i returned to eugene just a couple days before the uber-popular holiday of thanksgiving, a holiday that for as long as i can remember has always troubled me. it doesn’t take a genius historian to recognize the lies, the fallacies, the roust of the story we have been told since we were wee ones. yet and but it seems so benign as far as american celebrations go…wanting to gather friends and family to give thanks. if that is the reason for the gathering, why was it always so damn stressful? why do grocery stores and markets depend so heavily on the capitalism that week and especially that wednesday before? and then there is black friday the day after…all so consumer and money driven. gather the crew and spend spend spend and the capitalists give thanks.

i feel like if i made this post during the depths of “the holiday season” people would shut down or get defensive, and there would be no discussion or giving of space to question why and how we celebrate what during this time of year, and as we are doing more questioning in this country about how and why we celabrate events such as columbus day and moving it to indigenous peoples day, we can do the same with the last thursday of november (a month to celebrate the people native to this land). and i have to say, my favorite moments for this time have been the many friends-givings i’ve gone to or hosted over the years.

this year, in eugen, was a pretty special one. i spent it with 2 people who have also been questioning how to mark this time of year; a time that has been marked by countless cultures through the ages for many reasons. it is also marking the ending of the adventure that started two and a half years ago when i left oregon, along the coast, sent off by these same 2 humans. this wasn’t planned, but that is how great moments come to be when i just let them, and it is in retrospect that i realize just how right it was for us to be together during this time.

we decided that we would try and go camp somewhere, make it just a simple celebration of all we have to be grateful for individually and collectively. one buddy found the last remaining cabin on the coast and they snagged it! yahoo! we just needed to make it over the coastal range where snow was called for. it was a cold morning, and we did see snow up on the peaks through the whole journey, but when we got over the costal range we came across a managed herd of elk in a meadow, a cleared space from ranchers come to settle the area back in the 1800s. we had a snack as we watched the herd graze, then it was off to the dunes and the ocean. it was sunny and that kind of warm/cold one can find along the shores of oregon. so we wondered in the sunshine, ate more snacks, watched the surfers, and smiled as the sun began to decend on the horizen indicated it was time to go check into the cabin and set up, start a fire of our own, before the sun moved across the horizon and out of sight. but not out of mind.

one of things i’ve been learning more about as i spent more time with these wonderful humans is about the sun and the moon, its movement and how different cultures have marked time, space, and ceremony by its phases and placement in the sky in relation to life on this planet. the solstice is one event that we all agree is meant to be acknowledged in some way, but what is it really marking? something we had been thinking was that both summer and winter solstice, in the western world mark the first of summer or winter, but really, when one considers the way the sun travels, it is the mid point of summer and winter. for example, the first day of winter marks the time the sun starts winning the battle over darkness and we get longer “days”. in the pacific northwest, this was vital to our mental health. so much to unlearn and re-educate myself on, for “traditional” cultures have acknowledged this movement of the sun and seasons differently, and i feel deeply moved to learn the ways of people who lived based on the land/place.

~~~

once our abode for the night was set up, we poured some wine and we all kind of went into ourselves. i contemplated all the ways i’ve concidered celebrating thanksgiving. once, i heard that it had been suggested that it be a fasting holiday instead of feasting, so i’ve considered that. i’ve read the thanksgiving “prayer” of the haudenosaunee (iroquois nation) while preparing food for folks to come over. i’ve spent the day in solitude, meditating. but how do i want to keep moving forward in how i mark the movements of time and of the seasons, for lately i have been considering that the only constant is movement not change, but that is another discussion for another time.

we did make a lovely simple meal together that night. we gathered around the heater in the cabin. we read (one worked on school projects), and we chatted until it was time to snuggle into our sleeping time. and i slept, i believe we all slept and dreamt deeply .

the morning brought a slow walk around the lake our cabin overlooked, staying in the sun as much as possible with our mugs of coffee. watching the sun hit the cold air as ducks swam out of the rising fog. we made it back just in time to pack up for check out, and it was off to find a sunny picnic table to make the pancakes and snausages (vegan sausage). we all took turns flipping flapjacks for ourself or one another, basking in the warmth and the view of another lake amongst the sandunes separating us from the pacific. and then it was time to point roscoe (the latest adventure vehicle in their lives) back to eugene for a(n) (anti) black friday party. it was a perfect celebration for us, for me. old friends. new friends. good times.

this was just so damn perfect on so many levels. i have taken this gift i have given myself, of walking away from one life, to contemplate how i really want to be in this world. i turned 50 during this time (a cold winter night alone in colorado before i made the wonderful friends i would soon know). i’ve visited the friends and family that have helped me and encouraged me to be me as long as i’ve known them. i have made so many new friends and gained a faith in so much beyond myself, but not in any organized faith. all things i will talk more about as i keep unpacking what these past 2-1/2 years have meant to me, the foundation this time has created for how i want to move in my life.

today i am finding a new place in the desert southwest in a small city on a few boarders with such open expansiveness that there is room to contemplate so much. and everywhere i go there is proof of all the people who have moved through these lands for centuries. i couldn’t be happier. what a wonderful place to keep working on decolonizing my life. one of the many ways i am doing this is by trying to read as many people of color as possible, mostly women and queer folks. same for the music i listen to, movies, and food too. one truth i have come to recognize, and am willing to talk “come out as” now is i am calling myself a writer, finally. one partner i had decades ago told me a would write a book one day. i though she was had no idea who i was. sure i could write little article to go with photos if no one else was available for the paper. now here i am working on a book, a story, that keeps getting bigger and bigger. than i can actually see as becoming a series. and there is more, another big big project, but i will wait to release that when it has more form.

some resources for ya, if you are considering the disconcerting feelings that come up specifically around thanksgiving (also known as thankstaking or the deeper truth of thankskilling, i’ll post some at the end. i am not saying we need to stop celebrating thanksgiving. i do think the roots are beautiful; to give thanks for all we have done to prepare for the cold months of limited resources that allows us to go in and repair, heal, create…it is a gift. even if we change nothing in how we gather, it is important to know what and why we are gathering…i think.

thanksgiving toolbox

anything by the tierra incognita media

read indigenous peoples history

follow indigenous people hike

these are just a few that can lead you down the interwebs to so much more. and if you have favorites, share them. let’s lift up their voices!

Thoughts and Reflections of My Time On Oregon Coast Trail

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

it should be mentioned that i have put off  the wrap-up of the oct because i still hold some frustrations. it’s not the trail’s fault, really. i’m sure if i attempted it in the summer like most people, it would have been a different situation. i do feel that walking, eating, sleeping, catching rides for a month beside the pacific ocean has been a kind of re-birthing process for me (how many times do we do this in a single lifetime?). i’ll talk here a little about the logistics of the oct and also the effects of the trail on me.

when i first starting talking about the hike around the country, i didn’t really consider this trail. i like strolling along the beach, not so much walking several miles a day with 40 pounds on my back. but early on, a pal suggested it mostly for the beauty of the southern oregon coast. i dismissed it as no, the pacific northwest coast and i are not close friends. i love the ocean and the beauty of the coast. yet, i prefer ocean shores that are more inviting for co-mingling. i love to swim in an ocean that does not require a full wetsuit.

as winter just kept dragging on and on, and spring was just an extension of a pnw winter, i caved. i needed to leave portland. i really needed to leave the co-op, and here was a trail without snow, low elevation (can not get too much lower than sea level and still be on land (yes, there are a few exceptional cities to this basic rule and more as sea levels rise). i used this trail as a tool, a resource, for taking the leap away from my life in portland.  because it exists i was able to leave…to walk away. and that was a great lesson. ya’ gotta know when to walk away. and for this, and this alone, no matter what i say from here on out, i will be forever grateful to the oregon coast trail, the national coast trail and bonnie henderson for all their work and easy access to all the resources one might need.

IMG_2194

before i start talking about all the reasons i hope to never hike this trail again, let me say, they all suggest hiking it in the summer. as in full on oregon summer… not april or may when winter storms are still making their way inland. summer is a great time for the coast trail whether it is for an escape on a hot weekend, or a hot month.

 

like i said, i hope to never ever hike the oct again. i would go back and do sections that i couldn’t because of landslides and closures, but as a thru-hike, it sucked. walking that many miles a day on hard-packed sand is not that much different from walking miles on asphalt, which there is a great deal of as well. add this to having sand in everyfreakingthingiown…still! i still find sand in things i have cleaned multiple times. and sand is hard on gear, especially zippers and shoes/socks (and that translates directly to the feet). most of my days were rainy at some point and almost always cloudy (for some reason the sun would come out on days i decided would be rest days). the temps stayed in the 40s or 50s most days, and that was super pleasant. i don’t remember really being cold except when i was tired or grumpy, or the wind was exceptionally harsh on my wet being.

what really got to me. what would sap my spirit…the inability to keep my feet dry and healthy mixed with all the road walking. i should have probably realized this was going to happen and had a pair of road running shoes to balance my minimalist trail shoes. but let’s face it; 10 miles on asphalt with 40 lbs (probably more on food supply days) is not a pleasant stroll. the days i got to actually walk on trail trail (like the amazing venture through cape lookout and cape perpetua) i could really feel the difference. my body and mind soared. unfortunately these moments were few and far between. two of the capes i was really looking forward to were closed due to landslides and downed trees.

but i have to say, when things were nice, it was amazing! those days are engrained in my mind. why our minds remember the tough days most(i know evolution and survival and all that, but still) i don’t know. the days where i just laid in the sunshine, walked under brilliant blue skies, sat on a drift log as the sun set, went for a middle of the night stroll because the full moon kept me up, the sky alight with so many stars, the days i walked unencumbered with logistics of things i don’t really care about like a job, trump, the drama of some rediculousness. it was amazing. sure all that gets replaces with other logistics like food, water where i will sleep, does that weather and tide alert pertain to me? but its different.

you know what was great? i really never had to think about where i was. sometimes i would look at the gps on my phone, and the little blue dot would have me off into the ocean… i liked that thought. the only time i had to think about being on or off the trail was if i had to maneuver my way around town, or the sections where the cliffs made it impossible to stay on the beach. this happened more in southern oregon. that left me more open to process all the things that i had just let go of and contemplate the things i really want to focus on in my life. i could really clear all the parts of me and myself. it is super-duper duper hard to get lost on the oct.

that time and space left me to think these thoughts: why is it that those moments of important, basic life needs in today’s society become trivial, and those trivial things, like work drama take the lead roles in our energy attention? i know, i say this with a great deal of privilege, but these daily decisions, decisions i would check in on with myself and maps and various resources on a fairly regular basis every day, seemed like no big deal. i mean sometimes it was. some days i did not leave my shelter, and thanks to the pstyle, i really didn’t leave the tent! also, i went through at least one town almost every day. if i really needed food or shelter, i could find it…with enough money. i was also able to access the great shuttle system on the oregon coast! this got me though so many difficult sections when there wasn’t a good place to camp for over 20 miles, roads washed out from landslides, or the weather had been so craptastic that all my gear was on the verge of wetting through. thanks to great gear, i only had one day that this was a strong reality, and i took a shuttle to a hotel to dry it out. it had been raining for days and not letting up and the floor of my tent had finally had enough, so i made a call, found a bus, and got a hotel room. one plus for me with the pnw having such a wet and cold winter/spring? the coastal towns had a really tough winter and were willing to make great deals for rooms, and there was always a room ready no matter how early i showed up.

another plus for the oct… the people! i met so many amazing people! and i don’t just mean people who shared their precious well water, or gave me rides, bought me dinner and beers. but all the conversations and stories that went with those moments. with the news/social (suckcial? i’m working on it suckbook?) media, one is led to believe that people are horrible. that we can not find a common place to land on the major issues of our worlds. on one of those sites, an indigenous one, was a quote “what if i told you the left-wing and the right-wing are on the same bird?” and that pretty much sums up my feelings about our national politics. anyway, i was not sure how certain situations were going to go down, but the one’s where i actually got to talk with people…so good. strangers in cars with not even eye-contact…whole other story!

so… would i recommend the oct? i would if…you really really love the idea that the whole coast of oregon is open to the public! yes, this is fantastic. if you have plenty of money to pack really really minimally, or slack-pack and stay mostly in hotels and can afford the higher costs of food and such on the coast. i ate some shitty skippy peanut butter and cold white flour tortillas. do it in the summer when the coast is a super respite from the hot valley or desert days. if you don’t mind hitching or walking the long moments of road time, or picking up a shuttle. if you know people you can stay with along the way. or if you just have an itch to get going and you can hear it call your name! and you want to see alien species like this, or impermanent art.

IMG_2230.JPG

IMG_2233.JPG

the ocean is great company.  the ocean is a favorite teacher of mine. i regret nothing of this adventure. i am also happy to be somewhere else.

soooo

Tagged , , , , , 1 Comment

 

IMG_2302.JPG

 

so ya, i finished up the oregon coast trail a few weeks ago, actually i left brookings (the last town on the trail) just short of one month after i started. i stayed in brookings for 4 nights. the state park with a hiker-biker site was just a 20 minute walk from town, but i did get a hotel the day i rolled in, or should i say floated in. it was a hella-rainy day and i was done DONE done with having wet feet and cars splashing road grime on me. most people were really nice and gave me some space when i had to road walk, but sometimes, there were these people who i could actually see swerve to splash a puddle my direction. it didn’t matter if i walked with or against traffic (i walked where there was the widest shoulder). anyway, i digress.

i stayed in brookings trying to decide where to go next and what i should do. i was still getting reports about snow still falling in the sierras and the cascades. i knew it was still raining at the lower elevations so streams  would be flowing high, wide, fast and cold. i don’t have super strong skills for either, well i have stream crossing skills, but it makes me nervous, especially with how cold the rivers run here. one slip, that’s all it takes to get everything wet and invite hyperthermia to the party. some times the best skill and piece of gear one can carry is intuition. so i parked myself at the chaco brewery tap-house for a few days and did some writing out of my options and having conversations with friends about living to hike another hike.

i was trying to decide if i should go on south into california and try to find a job in some place like arcata, or take a bus up to eugene, bend maybe… and as i was exploring the beach around harris beach state park some voice in my head said, “how about ashland? its close to the syskiyou wilderness area…you know how much you love the syskiyous”. so i did a little search on how to get to ashland. first i was tempted to take the rougue river trail. its 40 miles and would dump me close to I-5. but then i saw that there was a bus! and the bus would take me down one of my favorite highways and would follow the smith river for a bit! sweet! yes please.

that last night was one of the worse nights on the trail for me. actually almost every night at this campground was not great for sleeping. the first night i ran into a guy that i had seen a couple of days before who was biking from portland back to l.a. we spent the morning chatting while he packed up. we both were confused by the noises that night. we couldn’t remember seeing any construction that would go on all freaking night, except for a couple of hours maybe around 3 am. later as i was walking around town, i figured it must have been the lumber mill on the edge of town. but that last night, it was the worst.

it started with the rain. it wasn’t just a nice light rain. it was a hard heavy rain with big drops and it rained all freaking night. then at some point i could hear a loud sniffing sound right by my head, and because of the sound of the rain, it really had to be right next to me to hear. at some point, whatever it was, i like to think of it as a dog from the nearby neighborhood, tried to get into my vestibule area and started pushing things around. i finally got it shewed away, but i think it came back a couple hours later, but left quickly. after i thought about it (like in the morning on the bus) it was probably looking for some shelter. all my food and whatnot were in the bear canister so i doubt it could smell anything, and i didn’t cook any food there that night because well rain. but geez! there were a lot of odd noises that night, so when morning finally came, i was more than happy to pack up and head into town. yes, it was still raining, but i’ve gotten pretty good at packing everything but in my tent then using the umbrella to cover the pack while i roll up the tent and head on down the road. that lightweight backpacking umbrella has sure come in handy!

so i arrived in ashland, got a room at a hostel, dried everything out and started looking for, and found, a job fairly quickly. my second day on the job, i found a place to live for a few months, till the end of august. then i will decide: “should i stay or should i go now”. i’d like to stay here a year. ashland is an odd little town surrounded by wilderness. the city park has trails that will take me to california and connect with the pct and i imagine the other trails i want to explore in northern california. i’ve started avoiding the co-op here like crazy. the first couple times it was nice. the first trip i reconnected to some great portland friends that have relocated here. later i ran into people who i had to ban from the co-op i use to work at. and to be honest, their buying guidelines are not that great and i’m not sure how they treat their staff, but they don’t usually seem very happy. then again i don’t think their customer base is inspiring. i shop across the street from where i am currently living, at shop-n-kart! its affordable, they have great vegan options (not so much at the co-op), and i see more working-class folks, fewer hippies, more crusty punks, more people of color, and i can walk there. to be honest ashland is small enough i can walk across town in an hour, bike across in 10 minutes, from end to end in 20.

i did finally make it to the farmers market. it happens on saturday (downtown) and tuesday at the armory in south ashland. the tuesday market is huge! its amazing! and most of it is organic, so i’ll be going there more for my fruits and veggies. it certainly had a community feel. and for being from 8 am to 1pm on a weekday, it was packed! lots of vendors. lots of people having lunch. it felt really good. there was also an animal rights group with a chicken cage challenge. they had a cage the approximate proportion for a human that a chicken gets. when i went to thank them for being there, they asked if i wanted to get in…nonononono. i have done that before, no need to do it again, but i do recommend that people do it. as i walked away the women at working the booth said nice hoody, it was then that i noticed i was wearing my ALF hoody that my pals sent me when they sent me my tablet. ha! maybe that is why i was getting some looks.

20170613_114142

anyway, so here i am in ashland, oregon. my plan is not really no plan, but i am kicking around some ideas. i think it would be super rad to be able to spend at least a year here working and saving money, but also getting some writing projects started. i hope to take the time and space to really deepen my practice and maybe come up with some tangible projects that can pay my way around this country. i also want to re-evaluate my goals/desires/purpose for the adventures, so i may reframe it more. so i have some ideas that i want to flush out or try out while i am here. i’m just really realizing how much energy the co-op in portland took, how much of my time and energy i gave to it even when i wasn’t there. i know i need to give that some time to sink in and to let go of some of those feelings and process what it means for me personally. i will forever be grateful for the experiences i had there, the connections and friendships i made, and how much i learned about myself and community. and yet, i am so glad i am no longer there.

alright so, here is what i have planned for the next few posts: write-up a review/wrap-up the oregon coast trail, i am still going to do a gear list and review, and i want to write about some of my ideas on the current political climate on climate change, as well as maybe start a regular month post on changes we can make in our daily lives that require no governmental accord! and this week i hope to get out on some longer hikes in the area so i will post some pics and such soon.

so that’s the rambley long update!

drying out again

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

I’m here in lovely coos bay. it’s been raining and raining, again. one joke I’ve heard many times is “it’s only rained twice, both lasting 48 days”  tonight I found my self in search of some green food, I walked by a brewery and heard some good music (they described them selves as surf country and I still don’t really know what that is), so  I stopped to drip dry a little. 
I ended up talking to two different fascinating groups of people. the first I had an unexpected conversation about being vegan and hunting. I had just missed a woman who is part of a vegan group in town and has almost convinced one of my companions for the night, to go vegan. 

the other companion at this group and I had a wonderful chat about how we are truly related to every thing as just another species, another animal on this planet. I was warmed and filled and ready to leave, but first a trip to the bathroom. 

upon my return was a fresh beer and an invitation to table where some friends of my companions were sitting. here I found out that the lead singer and guitarist is also the middle school principal. the stand-up bass player is the owner of the brewery. it seems the brewer has kind of been some what responsible for the uptick of musicians in the area. there was a kind of membership that gave one a free beer a month and funded bringing in music to the pub. people have seemed very excited by this. 

the guy sitting across from me had been up dancing and decided to pull off his sweatshirt to reveal those really thick suspenders  with the name of a saw company on them. he was an older man who has mostly worked at the timber/lumber industry. we started talking about this mandolin that someone he knows built out of different woods. he described the curves and the artistry and challenges of working with different woods by the way they twist and unwind in drying processes. he said the instrament sounds wonderful. 

he then talked about a man up around grants pass who designs and builds complete sets of violin, cello, bass, and maybe viola. to buy these sets, for a large chunk of change, you have to be approved by the builder first. it was a wonderfully delightful conversation about wood and music and art and craft. all with a fine band in the background. 

I walked back to where I was to find rest this night with a large moon showing it’self through the clouds. the rains stopped until I was about halfway “home”. I love these kinds of moments. there were so many other conversations about travel and adventure, about what it means to live and places we have loved. we laughed and tears welled up in my chest in finding such connections all day today. a day where I found myself sck of the oregon coast. 

I yurn for something else. the walking is wonderful, when I find myself on a trail. the road walking is rough especially in the rain. I needed this night for some renewed energy.

I will keep walking down the coast until I find another direction. the thing that is hard to remember sometimes is that every thing, even and especially the challenging times, are impermanent. that the best times do out weight the cold wet days. i just need to wait it out.
one thing that is a challenge on this particular trail is the cost. so if you have enjoyed these post, please consider donating to my go fund me campaign. it’ll give me a little more time out here before I stop and get some work somewhere.

and thanks for reading! it is nice to know there are people on the other side of this!

checking some privilege 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

I guess checking one’s privilege is a lot like rain on the oregon coast, it never stops. however, today was, and still is, a wonderful day. it didn’t start that way. i woke early thinking great! I won’t have to pack a wet tent. then then pit pit pitter-patter began. I held my breath hoping it would pass  nope! a deluge poured down.  I started to read but opted to set a timer for 30 minutes and buried my head!

I eventually got on my way, and by the time I finished a lunch break it was a glorious day! a rounded the bay at Waldport and across the way, the whole shoreline was full of sunbathing sea lions! maybe this is what they were barking about all morning! not only was the sun out but the wind was at my back! 

The view! spectacular! today the ocean was such an amazing color! maybe what some would call aquamarine? a deeper but also lighter colors of blue layered with greens tinged with more blue. and the whites of the crashing waves blowing across the tops in a strong wind. all this under a clear blue sky! I needed today. it has been nice some, but the rain has just worn me out. even when I thought I was getting a break of sunshine, it started to rain. normally I like then sunshine and rain combo. but really I just want 24-48 hours with a dry tent and dry feet. 

to celebrate I may actually stay up long enough to watch the sunset! maybe. 

the view as I started this thought

anyway, that is not what I wanted to write about today; just needed to get that off my chest. today I want to just take a moment to acknowledge and recognize not just the privilege I have just to do this adventure, but also how privilege  effects how I’m treated out here. 

for those of you who don’t know me, I’m a white, cis gendered woman/gender – queer person. I come from a mostly working-class background. I have participated in a few forms of institutionalized higher education (a debt that I most likely will never be able to pay off), I am a healthy able-bodied, fairly mentally stable, and for lack of better words right now, legal citizen of the country I’m currently in.

some other privileges I would add: I am single, queer (in more than just gender/sexual orientation, but also so many ways I move through the world), I have no children or animals that need my care. my parents and other family members are healthy, my grandparents have all passed on (I don’t think is a privilege really, but I do think I didn’t start this until the last one passed so that I could be reached if needed). I was able to acquire respectably good gear that fits me. and I’m sure I will discover more as I continue this venture. 

why does it seem important to me to recognize this here and now? one of my very first conversations with someone (a middle-aged white male from the seat of his mini-van as he was headed to the same state park as I so that he could take a shower while his bathroom ws being remodeled) approached me because I “looked like a legitimate backpacker and not just some homeless person”. .  didn’t know how to respond so I said something to the effects of yes I am backpacking. 

however, I am also basically homeless. I don’t have a job. maybe I could consider myself self employed since I hope to maybe make some money eventually from these shenanigans. but because he categorized me as someone he could maybe relate to, he decided to stop and have a conversation with me. so, yes, for now I can afford a hiker/biker camp site, some of wich have allowed me to take a hot shower and I’ve rested up in a hostel a couple times.

I think, also because of how I present myelf, I have been able to talk more openly to other queerdos, even if that’s not how they would identify. 

I think some of this hit me as I crossed the newport bridge because I had had some really great talks with some folks at the lost buoy hostel. we talked about so many things, but one thing that sticks with me is how people using airbnb are changing the ways people travel and it is making it more challenging for folks to travel simply and cheaply. to the point that people are starting to charge for couch surfing. this is a whole other tangent around a kind of exchange economy that made up couch surfing. 

anyway….I know that there are just as many things about who I am that can put me in danger, especially in certain homophobic, sexist, pro-gun, hunting /animal agriculture communities. but I wanted to take a minute to reflect and remember to remember just how different I am treated than some of the other folks walking around these coastal towns with carrying all their possessions on their backs. are there ways for me to bridge these gaps? to make connections? I know I have so many more questions, I just don’t know how to work with them.

so now I will stare off into the sunset and see if I can sort some of this out! also, if you have any thoughts on these thoughts, please do share! 

p.s. it’s been a few days now since I wrote this and I’ve had a couple other experience that reinforces my points. it comes in getting 3 lifts from people while I was stuck road walking. all 3 people stopped and offered rides and I wasn’t even trying. i thought about it, sticking my thumb out and all, but I didn’t. I’m very grateful for the rides. they all showed up just when I needed them! yes, mom, they were all very nice people trying to repay for rides they had gotten. 

starting the sharing 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

seems funny that i have only been doing this for around 10 days now, but so much has happened, and also not much because well rain and wind and rain and rain. the oregon coast is rainy, i know, no shit it’s rainy! i was prepared, and yet somehow not. i’ve had so many great experiences already, and i’ve been cheating.

when we left of, i was at seaside taking a break. since then i have made my way down the coast and am lodged up in lincoln city; swapping out gear and drying out all the things. also, i promised my tent a break from those winds.

so the weather has been super craptastic, but i am not going to complain about the life force of water, however, it shifts logistics a little. so between that and realizing that the coast trail is freaking expensive, lots of road walking (hard on the body), and some of the northern parks are closed due to landslides, i’ve decided to take the amazing coastal shuttle/bus system. yes, i will happily pay you $4.50 for what would have coast me 40 to 50 bucks in boat shuttles that may or not have been happening due to the weather. plus, saving that money helped me get a salad and a pint while waiting for a connector bus.

i have to say, taking these buses has left a soft spot in my heart for the coastal communities i have been passing through. many people use this public transportation for many reasons. they know the bus driver’s name and the driver knows the passengers names. they don’t treat the people with special needs any differently. they are kind. they seem to watch out for each other. maybe this is a piece of what i am searching for.

i’ve already met so many nice people. i was at bill’s tavern in cannon beach after getting blown off the beach. me and my pack were soaked and we really hadn’t gone more than a mile. this woman sitting in the booth next to me asked to join me. we had a nice conversation that finally came around to my feelings about the book/movie wild. i know i’ve already written my feeling about it, i probably will some more. anyway, she had this look on her face that seemed pained as she asked the question. so i took a minute and responded in a way that surprised me.

i told her that we can’t really blam this book/movie on the increased traffic on delicate land. that maybe people are searching for something anything that helps them feel connected to something, and this has been a tool to help with that. i can’t really blame that book/movie on the increased use of the pct (a kind of gentrification of the trail systems) anymore than i can blame the influx of people to portland on the show portlandia (yes, i said that). people are searching for places that they can experience life differently, more fully perhaps? these forms of popular culture give insight into some options that maybe people haven’t thought of until this introduction.

she seemed relieved at my response. maybe she too is searching for something. i don’t know. she was very present and thoughtful. she reminded me of my dad’s wife. anyway, she came back later with a generous gift that helped me pay for an over-priced camp site that night.

a couple days later i met 2 super nice guys outside the coffee shop in manzinita. i figured with the money i saved from not paying for a boat shuttle, i could splurge on a cup of coffee and fresh o.j. we were sitting outside talking about the super sweet dogs and life. they are from portland, just quite their corporate jobs and are trying to decide what’s next. when i was explaining what i was doing, i started tot tear up for some reason (and actually am again as i write this) and i’m not sure why. sometimes you meet people who you can tell the story you’ve already been telling, but you get to be more vulnerable, maybe? i don’t know. i think i’m starting to let go of some of my own bullshit. i hope one day i find out what they decide is next for them.

then i finally got some forest hike in after i hide in the hiker/biker camp of cape lookout. geez how i love that park. it was super great! and super muddy! thank goodness for carson footwear. the mud may have sucked off my shoes, but those shoes kept me from sliding off the trail! when the tide kept me from crossing the lake, i had a long and sideways rain come down on me. my walking day ended up being around  9 hours and 15 miles. i did have a nice layover at the sand lake gas and shop! as i put my things on the counter, i saw the rebel flag sticker and some other very similar sticker on the counter and took a breath. but when she found out i was walking and not biking, she started telling me about the last person that came through there a few years back who was walking with a pot belly pig! we laughed. i sad on the porch ate some snacks and watched the rain.

20170425_080942
cape lookout!

 

when i finally rolled into pacific city to a super over-price hiker biker campsite, i was a little not grumpy, exhausted. road walking is exhausting and hard on the body! so i set up my tent and walked across the street for a cold beer and a basket of fries! and i met my first fellow vegans!!!! they were a super amazing couple with their own amazing story. we had such a nice chat. i look forward to meeting them again some where some time… and maybe get to see the tiny house they built!

so, to get back to where this post started with the idea that we are all looking for some kind of connection; community maybe or a tie to the nature… some combination of family, what’s another word for tribe, that binds us together in the ways that we have empathy and compassion and some other feeling that maybe has no word for all those around us: the 4 legged, the winged, the creepers and crawlers, the swimmers, the trees, the plants, water and air, and even us 2 legged animals. i think we can do this. we can do this, but it is going to take some not-working, some un-working?

anyway, i can’t wait to see who i talk to next. its hard to meet people on this trail…not a lot of people on it. i meet folks when i stop into towns and chat on the buses.

20170422_183731
cape lookout hiker/biker camp. my little home is in there somewhere!

seaside sideline

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 6 Comments

yup, so here i am in seaside at the international hostel. they give a discount for oct hikers! some of these folks have been on some great journeys. one guy, when i listen to him from the other room, reminds me of utah phillips! anyway, this morning it is pouring out and i am supposed to get back out there and climb up a muddy rainforest path. soooo i’ll have a hot cup of coffee first.

hostel greeting

yesterday i managed to cut some weight out of my pack, but i’m not sure how much further i can go. i did actually get rid of one of my drinking vessels, and for those of you who know how much i love to have my vessels you know how hard this was to do, and i’m contemplating switching another one out for something lighter. why i can get rid of all these major things in my life, but my vessels….whole other story. i think it goes back to my year of package free. i don’t want to use disposable bottles and cups.

anyway, so the adventure up to astoria, staying at sou’wester, then taking one more day and camping at ft. stevens was super exciting. the guys helped me do a couple of shakedowns, kept me calm when inside i was kind of freaking out about how much shit i still had/have, and bought me an afternoon beer to calm my nerves. they really are the best.

they took me to the mouth of the columbia river and the south jetty where the oct starts. we shared some hugs and tears (there really is no way to thank these two so much for, well not just the last couple days but all the years we have been building our relationships). then i was off!

friendly foot prints

it was a fine sunny sunday, and being a fine sunny easter sunday, i wasn’t sure just how crowded the beach would be. it was fine. i quickly put the hood up on my wind jacket over my cap to keep that southern wind from blowing it off and sand and wind out of my ears and set my pace. my pack is too fucking heavy.

i make it to the eroding ship that is 3.5 miles down the coast in pretty good time, so i stop and dump sand from my shoes and check my feet. all seems well. when i cross the parking  lot i spot 2 folks at the back of a pick-up tuck loading up a pack. huh! i didn’t think i’d actually see another backpacker out here. we wave. i would have stopped, but i thought they were just rearranging for camping, but at my next stop i saw one of them hiking right past me…that pack looked big and heavy!

rotting ship

 

the other thing i didn’t think i’d experience on this trail was people offering things. but not a few miles in and i had 2 offers and conversations about hiking and such. people were really into it.

when i stopped for dinner, i realized i was in a little trouble feet wise. i was not able to keep the sand out of my shoes and ended up with some serious blisters. i tried to clean them up, but the wind would blow sand into everything. i wanted to set up my tent, but camping isn’t permitted in the area, so i just tried to dig in out-of-the-way. also, i wasn’t just sure how high the high tide would be. yes, i have a fancy watch that has the current tide info, and a tide table, but just how high is 280′?

i was tired and frustrated (my stove/dinner blew over and spilt twice even though i had put of the wind screen and dug a little safe place for it. so i set up my tent with just the fly and groundsheet incase i got tossed out our the waves came up close, i could bail quickly. i placed things around me to keep the wind/sand at bay, set my watch alarm to about 1/2 hour before high tide (1:30 am) and rested. i woke up a few times to flashes of light. what could it be? not lightning!? nope. cars! they just don’t stop. i thought after sunset, they would go away, but no.

when the sun did set, the wind died down and i got some rest. my alarm went off. i check the ocean. it was far off like i had thought it should be and went back to sleep. but the stars…the night sky….wow! clouds and stars and the lights of ships off in the horizon were amazing!

all of a sudden i felt a huge blow and gust of wind and my shelter was trying to take flight! what the… as the sun started to break around 5:30, the wind also decided to rise, and rise it did. i packed up everything i could as fast as i could, using the weight of us all to hold down the shelter. i then broke down the shelter trying to keep it from becoming a parasail. i hungered down behind a log, swigged some water and started down the trail.

i was told that there was a little r.v. camping place with a general store at the end of the beach access road, so i head that direction. once i got out of the wind, i took a deep breath and sat behind the pit toilets for a minute to make sure everything was intact. all was good. feet where good. just needed water, so i headed up to find the r.v. park. it was early, like 6:30/7 am early and as i walked into the park, i thought oh boy, this is going to be interesting. this wasn’t really an r.v. park for travelers and campers. nope people lived here. the store was closed and as i looked around i saw all kinds of no trespassing signs with the names of the people who will call the cops. a sign on the door said where the bathrooms and portapottys were located, so i walked around a minute. as i rounded a corner there was this older guy putting coolant in the radiator of his truck. we looked at each other. i smiled. he smiled. mornin’. mornin’. you doin’ the pct? eventually. i’m on the oct right now. cool. great. whatch doin’ here? looking form some water. bathrooms should be open. great! thanks! take care. you too.

i headed into the bathrooms. one faucet leaked all over the floor instead of coming out of the tap. the second one was just fine! i drank up and filled up and headed down the trail.

the wind was something! i mostly kept my head down, but you know, they say never turn your back on the ocean, so every-once-in-awhile i looked up and over. oh one thing. before the sun had come up, i was able to hike without a headlamp. didn’t think much about it. no one was around, but then headlights! so i walked to the left of the headlights. then the car shifted heading right towards me, so i moved to the other side, and it moved! this went on for a bit. i was about to pull my headlamp out and flash it up at them when they finally moved to the far side but with their high-beams on! they then circled around me and started asking me questions. between the wind and the waves i said i couldn’t hear them. finally they headed off.

i knew i had to get 12 miles in to reach seaside where i was going to get a room at the hostel and shakedown again. my body was feeling great, but my feet! oh my golly! i wanted to chop them off. i couldn’t find a good place to care for the blisters that started forming, so i just kept trying to soak them in the cold ocean. i finally waddled into town where i still had about 4 miles to walk all the way across on concrete! oh that did not help! when i go to the hostel, the folks were so so so nice and chatted me up a storm…it was painful. all i wanted was to get out of these wet cloths (yes, it had started raining a couple of hours before), wash the sand out of all the cracks and crevices of my body, and sleep! finally after the tour, i dropped my pack on the floor, showered, and slept for hoooouuuuurrrrs, went to the brewery, came back and slept some more!

the morning was warm and sunny. i drank a nice cup of coffee on the porch but knew i could not walk on these feet, so i spent the day resting, reading, and tending to my feet. it was a super nice day! everyone here is so friendly! they ask your name and remember it! i highly recommend staying here.

today is going to be a challenge, but i think i only have to go around 7 miles to the hiker “cabins” at tillamook head in ecola state park, and once i am in the forest, the rain won’t be as bad, but i do have a 2 mile section that is straight up with a work-around a landslide from the winter storms. aaaand this is why i got good rain gear!

p.s. park is closed due to winter storms and landslides, soooo, new plans. at least it’s not snow!

 

some questions answered

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

i know its early for a first break, but believe it or not, i need a break. i have been going non-stop since i quite my jobby job. there was just so much to do and people to see and stuff to work out, that i didn’t get a chance to just process all that was happening. i kinda figured i’d do it on the drive to kansas and back, but nope. i was just focused on driving and making plans with the people i was meeting up with there. then i thought i could chill out on the way back. you know, take the more southern route through colorado and stop at some hot springs, have some beer, write… but i was just so tired and exhausted, mostly emotionally exhausted to be honest. when you leave your dream job, it can be troubling. the last 6 months of working there was really hard on me.

i don’t know how to explain it, but it just stopped feeling like the collective was working together. many people thought they knew what the co-op needed, but couldn’t hear what anyone else was saying. there were lots of power dynamics happening and i got caught in the middle. then there was the disagreements on calling the cops or not when people felt or were perceived to be violent in one way or another, especially the people experiencing homelessness or some form of mental illness. i guess on most levels i (as a white human in this country and especially in portland) i feel pretty safe emotionally, physically, and mentally. in most of these instances my concern was for the safety of those acting out, and on those around who don’t typically feel safe. calling the cops makes very few people actually feel safer….anyway, my dream job was no longer my dream job, which made me create and follow through with a new dream. so that is what i am out here doing.

so here i am in seaside taking a break after only 2 days out and 20 miles in. i am going to catch you up a bit. so here are the answers to the question i get most often. after this, probably later today, i will tell about the last couple days.

 as i begin to share my adventure plan with people i am invariably asked how did i come up with this idea. or how long have i been thinking about doing this, or some variant of this. and when i am out walking around thinking, i am reminded of so many times i’ve wondered about doing this, and some of the inspiring (in one way or another) people who’s stories i have heard about. the main ones that come to mind are: utah phillips, woodie guthrie, (and all the riders of the rails that they talk about), everett ruess, and to a lesser extent john muir and thurou (to be honest and somewhat sacrilege, i don’t really like muir. yes, he started the protecting the “wilderness” areas and all that. however, they were super racists and displaced the people of that land that already cared for and had a relationship with the land. so  i find him and all the worship he gets annoying). people ask me about the peace pilgrim and other folks who walked across the country with a pointed purpose. i have certainly been affected by them and their convictions, but not really. then i am asked about the book and movie wild. sigh, i was not inspired by either, but i get why people are. there are so many thru-hikers who’s blogs and books i have read, and thankfully there are more and more female identified folks writing and getting published, and they have been super helpful and lent to the dream. however, they all, at some point, ask why can’t this be life? i ask just because the trail ends, does that mean i have to stop walking? i say no, well until the money runs out and i have to stop for a minute and make some more. so yes, thru-hikers have been inspiring, but this is not a thru-hike.

so, i’d say ruess has been my biggest influence. i stumbled upon ruess after one of my very first backpacking trips. we did a few days up in zion national park. once we put on a clean (for me dry since i jumped in the river as soon as we crossed the bridge), consumed the biggest salad and coldest beer i could imagine, we then stepped into a cute little bookstore. here is where i found a book called “everett ruess: a vagabond for beauty” by w.l. rusho. mostly it’s a collection of ruess’ letters, journal entries, poems, and woodblocks. i fell in love with his story. and for sure i fell in love with the romantic notion of a young person stepping out of the city in search of….well beauty. that introduction had to be 12 years ago.

i’ve read and reread this book and lent it out so much its falling apart, held together with a rubber band. it wasn’t until i moved to portland that i ran into anyone else that had heard of everett. seems most people have heard of him from the book into the wild. kroukhou spends a good deal of time talking about him as he pieces together the story of chris. i still haven’t been able to bring myself to read that book. i saw the movie and was somewhat annoyed. i do really like the soundtrack. but for some reason, the thought of reading this book just repulses me. this happens sometimes. it happened to me with “wild”. i forced myself to read it like a child who doesn’t want to eat their dinner….just like that child that submitted, i wish i hadn’t. so i may never read it, but i am curious about it, so who knows….

anyway, the questions all the above people bring up for me are fairly basic. 1) is a modern-day everett, guthrie, utah, vagabond rail rider even possible and if so what does that look like? 2) where are the women, people of color, queer folks? where are their stories? or do they end (and therefor never told) by a lynching, prison, violent death, institutionalization? also is there a level of survival that keep non-white men from having their stories told from an adventure format? also also…this had been the life of the traditional people of this land befor the arrival of the european conqueror. what is the privilege that “allowed” the exploitative life of people like thurou or ruess and especially muir? what is the difference between the utah, guthrie folks compared to the everett and muire and chris?

poverty for sure. mental health for woodie guthrie (any doubts? read his autobiography). those two groups of white men have access to different privlages of american culture. some, like utah philliups, are trying to fight against this oppressive regime of a colonizing culture. many of those riding the rails where looking for seasonal work, migratory work. leaving lives that they couldn’t fulfill, all kinds of stories of people who capitalism leaves out. people who don’t want to or can’t for various reasons, live in this world.

for some reason, i feel like i fall into both and neither camp at the same time. i want to adventure out into the wilderness in search of beauty. the beauty of nature of the people who know the land. to find the beauty of people i have very little in common with besides a love for the outdoors. but i also feel like i don’t fall in line with the status quo. i believe that the bigger, better, faster life-style that is getting even faster and faster as we are lulled into a false sence of security. i’m tired of people telling me what it means to be however i am identifying today, and i only feel that it is getting worse. that the more we refine how we identify, the more specific we get in our specialty, the less we are able to see the bigger connections. the less we are able to develop empathy for people we do not know. the less we are able to put together the connections that make us all homosapians, animals if you will.

i just want to explore/experience/get to know the people and the places that i move through. this is getting harder and harder to do in cities. they are all getting so homogenous. it doesn’t feel as genuine anymore. the gentrification of the cities is beginning to feel the way it did when non-queer folks showed up at the gay & lesbian bars. coming by because it was cool, the music was good for dancing, the people beautiful, but they wanted to feel safe and wanted to be like their neighborhood bars, so they took it over and offended most everyone. then, since that queer space is now safer for white folks to move in and be trendy, hip and happening, those queers, other creatives and the rest of the folks living there at near or below poverty level, get pushed out. that is how portland feels to me now…and what is happening to the “up and coming” cities around the country. so i could move to another city again, but name a place this isn’t happening.

and i fear that this is what is happening to the trendy trails like the pct, at, cdt. i fear that as more and more people descend upon the major trails, they will become like the interstate highway systems where people cross the country faster and faster and we forget to stop and get to know the people, plants, and animals of the land. and what is the up and down stream effects of all this activity on some trails? also, it has become a major commodity and purchasing of latest and greatest gear. the gear industry is exploding, but who makes it and for whom are they making it? this is a rabbit hole of sorts that i will go down later.

i think that this is one of the appeals of everett ruess for me. he floundered. he knew he didn’t know lots of things and didn’t pretend to. he talked to people as he encountered them, but doesn’t seem to seek them out. he, indeed was very privileged even during the times of the depression of the early 1900s. we seems to have been known to walk into any place and make himself at home. he didn’t seem to know how to be a stranger which is indeed a privilege of the young and the cis white hetero male. he seems to have made friends with some of the indigenous folks of the canyon lands. and then he just disappears. some think that the mystery of his disappearance has been solved. national geographic has a huge article on it, but in the end it is still in question. i like the idea that he and his donkeys just rode off out of range. maybe went on into mexico. perhaps just blended in with one of the indigenous villages in the area.

so how has this inspired or fed my ideas of this adventure?

i want to travel around this country. i do not want to travel on the roads.if i did i would do a bike tour, and i don’t want to bike over the mountain ranges and i don’t want to walk on hot stinky roads. i want to meet the people in the small towns along the ranges. i want to meet more people who are living and working in the forest, wild spaces left in this country (and not in this country). i want to hear their stories. i want to walk the land with them. in a time when we think we are so super divided, and we certainly are for fear can indeed to that, i think if we take the time and move slowly enough to get to know one another in ways that feed empathy for how we each got to where we are, we will find that there is not so much reason to fight. we might learn that most of our most basic fears are the same…we shall see.

i’ll resupply as i pass through towns.

no i am not afraid of bears, cougars, or other wild life…snakes are a phobia for me. white men do make me leery. as i camp on the coast, i have realized i am afraid of sneaker waves, midnight high tides with a sneaker wave (am i sure i pitched my tent far enough back?), and cars on the beach running my tent, and subsequently me, over. i guess the thing i am most afraid of is being stuck in an institution of some kind (prison, hospital…). i’m a little afraid i may never come back for one reason or another, but mostly wonder what and why i would return. and no, i don’t know that i will return to portland to live.

i don’t have many plans outside of what will happen after the oregon coast trail. i will check the snow levels around that time and decide then. i have a few ideas in mind.

no i’m not actually walking across the country, but kind of around it and up-and-down in a kind of migratory route.

not taking a gps unit. getting lost is kind of the point, but also, i’d already need to have back up paper maps, so why don’t i just use those anyway. when it comes to having all the cool gadgets and such, i ask myself what would people do before these existed? well, they developed skills and such. that is what i plan on doing.

yes, i will have my cell phone (and can download maps and trails onto it), but it will have the most basic of plans and such to stay in touch. i also have this here tablet to write….

i hope to connect with local (to where i am at the time) trail groups and organization and hopefully do some trail maintence or work with them in some kind of capacity. 
yes, i will stay vegan, however, i have gotten some wool blend base layers for so many reasons that include not wanting hypothermia, weight, comfort on hot and cold days, synthetic gets stinky and is being made of oil really any better? cotton is nice, but its heavy and doesn’t dry quickly, however, i do have a cotton shirt to sleep in because it was designed by someone i know and its super soft.

gear-list….i will make one soon, i promise. while i am here at seaside i will do yet another shackdown…i want to lose 5 to 10 pounds still from my pack…speaking of, i am going to make some lunch…..